Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Randomize
