Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
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