There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
did i just pee glitter
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
