For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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