Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
its liver damage thursday
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize