Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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