I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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