Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
