we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
