Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
