No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
