dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
