just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I am available for nakedness
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
