just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
please don't ironically join a cult
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