I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
