i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Boobs are out for the taking
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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