this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
