I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Randomize
