i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
