I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
