i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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