so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
handjob tips. give me some.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
