literally had 100 drinks last night.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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