2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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