just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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