things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
