i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
