Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
