Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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