AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
