hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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