I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
