i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
