So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I AM VODKA MAN
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
