How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
