i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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