She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
