I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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