it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
