Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
They are going to name an STD after you.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize