you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Randomize
