Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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