Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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