If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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