i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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