he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
