your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
im holly from the hills drunk
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize