Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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