ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize