We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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