I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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