Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
