Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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