Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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