zippers are such a cool invention
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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