Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
