dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
