Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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