the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You're a waste of cheezeits
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
How does one acquire holy water?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
you never un-have a 4some
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
