I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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