You really coming over, don't trick.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize