I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
