I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
When did we convert life to cartoon?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just had sex on a roof
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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