In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
