help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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