I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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