my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
